In Next Big Move, Apple Removes Screen From iPhone

Citing “radical innovation,” Phil Schiller, Apple’s senior vice president of worldwide marketing, announced Tuesday at Apple’s Worldwide Developer Conference (WWDC) that the iPhone 8 will have no display.

“This is old, outdated technology and something we need to move away from,” Schiller reportedly said. Speaking to a full auditorium at the popular event, he added, “This is radical innovation and it’s up to us to spearhead it.”

The iPhone 8, which is due to be released in the end of September, has been highly anticipated by technology analysts and consumers alike. Even before the release of its predecessor, the iPhone 7, there were predictions that Apple would be completely redesigning its flagship device for the tenth anniversary.

Apple famously announced in 2016 it was removing the 3.5 mm headphone jack from the iPhone 7, citing “courage” in this instance.

When asked for further comment at the event, Schiller specified that the iPhone 8 will be a “voice-only” device. “You use your voice for everything,” he explained. “Typing and visual feedback via a display are outdated. It’s time to move on from this. By using Siri, [Apple’s voice-activated personal assistant introduced in iOS 5] you can call, text, take photos, and send these photos to iCloud or email—all without touching or looking at a screen. Basically, it’s completely unnecessary to have one.”

Analysts noted that removing the touchscreen will save Apple billions in manufacturing costs, both directly since the glass and touchscreen processors will no longer be needed, and indirectly due to the smaller battery needed to power the new phone. “See, you don’t need this massive battery anymore because you don’t have a big screen eating up power. The new battery is fifty percent smaller but gives the same battery life as in the iPhone 7 Plus,” an Apple engineer said. The engineer spoke on the condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak to the press.

Apple also announced the phone will retail at $1,256 for the 64 GB model and $1,712 for the 128 GB model. Apple’s stock reached record highs after the announcement, peaking at $2,000 per share during after-hours trading the day of the announcement, making the Cupertino-based tech giant the first company in history to reach $1 trillion in market capitalization.

“It’s really amazing,” Jennifer Price, a consumer technology analyst at Barclays Capital, noted. “It’s like Apple can’t do anything wrong. No matter what they do, people want it.”

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Note: This article is satire! Don’t freak out too much, everyone. 😉 Seriously though, I wrote it as a joke a while back when I was frustrated with Apple’s removal of the 3.5 mm headphone jack from the iPhone 7, something that has been talked about quite a bit online. As you can probably tell from the article, I wasn’t a fan of that move—and I’m still not. The absence of a headphone jack is one of several reasons why I probably will not be buying another iPhone. It’s not the only reason, but it is a reason that factored into my decision. Anyway, this post is the first in a series of posts in which I plan to talk about Apple and my changing thoughts on the company. Stay tuned!


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